tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
