It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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