i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
