I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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