I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize