I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
