Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone came in the potted fern
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
