she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
