Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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