when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
