did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize