i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
