im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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