Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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