This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
