it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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