You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
