Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
