My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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