Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
