my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
