I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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