It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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