i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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