Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
