You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
