What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
