just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
