when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
