I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
