the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
