They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
