told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
