Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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