You can't motorboat a personality
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
