I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
