Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
