guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
