Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
