Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
