Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
