What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
