I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Help. Why am I so naked?
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