Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
