i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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