I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
