You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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