Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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