i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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