So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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