Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
