I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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