Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
