Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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