it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
