i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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