so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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