I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
40s are totally the cure
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
