i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
