honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize