i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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