we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
