i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
