i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
