We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
