U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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