How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
