he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
