sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize