doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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