Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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